Sunday, July 17, 2011

On Fatherhood

When I was a Pastor in California, the local paper, The Pleasanton Weekly, did a series of articles asking questions based on current events. Below is a repost of one of those questions about the role of fathers.


Q: In recent years, many fathers have taken a more active role in their families, particularly in relation to raising children. Describe, from a Biblical perspective, what a father’s role is in his family? Does the current model for fatherhood—more sensitive and more involved—fit into the Biblical ideal?


A: A father’s role in his family is to be a leader. He is the one who is the point man for pressure and an icon for stability in a world filled with uncertainty. His role includes being a protector, listener, and provider of much more than just money. He is there to nurture, guide and foster an atmosphere of stability and security so family members can grow and develop and springboard into life from a solid foundation. He should also serve as a model of how men should relate to women, and how men handle the inevitable pressure and conflict in life.


What a daunting task it is to be a father!


The challenge that we face as men today as we strive to be good fathers is: Who are our role models? Who do we pattern ourselves after? Do we try the John Wayne School of Fathering, the tough “never apologize mister, it’s a sign of weakness” course of study, or should we attend the Clint Eastwood Academy, where we’re encouraged to express the core of our inner being even if that expression is found in the arms of another man’s wife – as in his film, “The bridges of Madison County.” It has been said that passing the torch of manhood has always been a fragile task. That is more true than ever before today as we live in a culture still grappling with its definition of masculinity and fatherhood.


A brief look at recent history reveals some patterns. In my father’s generation, boys became men during World War II. They were taught that to be a man, one must bottle up his emotions and that to display vulnerability was a sign of weakness. In a family setting, the man was in charge and the woman changed the diapers. They struggled to raise the next generation, whose members longed for intimacy and expression. Our fathers often kept their distance and were never trained to talk about feelings and core relational issues. This resulted in the next generation throwing off authority and restraint, eventually developing a “if it feels good, do it” fathering philosophy.

But you can’t lead a family based on feelings alone, partly because there may be times when a man doesn’t feel like providing, listening, or keeping his word.


The result is an identity crisis for fathers. Should we be Rambo or Alan Alda?


From a Biblical perspective, being a father means walking in balance. It means taking the soldier—the mission orientation of our father’s generation—and incorporating it into the tenderness associated with the younger generation of dads. It means taking responsibility for all of our actions and not running and hiding from the position while blaming our failures and shortcomings on someone else.


Being a father today means keeping your word, holding to your promises, honoring the commitment you made to your wife, being vulnerable enough to cry, strong enough to admit weakness, and, unfortunately, available enough to change diapers.

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